Yay Missing Home!
For those of you who never knew the pre-college me, I've changed a lot since I got to college, and not necessarily for the better. In high school I was very involved. I ran my robotics team, and was active in math team, did all the bands and a few other dorky things. I also did a lot of church things. I was the only kid in my year in youth group that was actually involved. I was in choir, on youth council, on the pastor search committee and many other things (wow I sound like the prick who had to be the best at everything!) Yes, near the end of high school I had serious depression issues, but overall I had a good life.
Now I feel like parts of me are missing. I miss robotics tons, it was my life....and now it's gone. Math team was amazing, especially the Hawaii trip ending it all. My math team coach isn't even at my high school anymore, he got a job at Vestavia (traitor!), so none of it is the same. I miss band, a good band, a real life-sized band. My high school band was one of the best in the state, I got used to that sound and that attitude. Now band is about trying not to cry when the trumpets sound like geese, sometimes worse than geese. We're such a small group, and such a sucky group at that, it's hard to enjoy it.
I miss my church tons. Here I end up going to church with Matt all the time, and not really so much for church but for the family time. He goes to a contemporary service, and I get the feeling that none of the rest of his family really wants to be there either. The congregation is so big that there's no way it can really become what my church at home was to me, my family. I've tried going to other churches, but none of them felt right. This is the way it will probably always be though, nothing will feel like it fits.
I think that a lot of this has to do with the fact that I never moved when I was growing up. I moved to Auburn when I was 1 1/2 years old, and never moved (even to a different house) until I came to college. I knew everything in Auburn, it was all so familiar. I had my comfort zone all around me. It was a great environment to grow up in. I had a place I belonged, and never had to find a whole new place. But maybe it would have been easier to cope if I had had to do that just once.
I hated it all so much when it was right there all around me, so why do I miss it so much now that it's gone?
posted by Katharina at 10:19 AM
3 Comments:
I think the reason why you call Auburn "home" is the same reason that you feel the most comfortable there - you were raised there most of your life. You always took Auburn for a constant, and it was a constant until college when you moved to Huntsville. High School and College are completely different - in HS, you were forced to do everything involving classes. In college, it depends entirely on what YOU want to do. If you really would rather just sleep in and not go to class, that's your decision. As much as you do want to go home and see all of your friends again, they (like all college students) have moved on and may have changed for the worse, and others have changed for the better. You kind of answered your own question: it is because you never moved, and you had your "comfort-zone" there. You can still have your comfort-zone there, but it will never be the same as it once was.
Band - yeah... our trumpets need a lot of work, but then again, you have to remember that this isn't a fine art school. My High School band was better than ours as well, but we also were a whole lot more serious when it came to music: alot of people in the Wind Ensemble are just in it because that they had fun in High School or they have a scholarship there - very few are there because they are music majors.
In summary: things will never be what they once were, and they will always be changing. The only thing that you can really do is accept it, try to take the good with the bad, and move on.
I was going to say something long and boring about me, but then I remembered this was your blog. You should feel lucky that you have emotional bonds with places and people. Some people are unable to form those bonds.
I know we don't know each other so well, only through Matt and I haven't even met you yet but nevertheless - I won't be here for much longer, I am moving to Florida and starting my life with my fiance Ryan. But I attend Willowbrook - have you gone there? I love it there, it's so fantastic! The atmosphere is just great. If you want to go, let me know and maybe we could meet up or something but if not that's okay you don't have to meet me just to go. :D
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